Blogging While at Work Is Bad for Your Health

Morbidity

We recently concluded a get together with one of our long-lost friends last week. I was satisfied with the attendance rate, with most of my contacted friends and acquaintances being able to attend. But of course, as pointed out by one attendee, the success of the event was not due one hundred percent to the efforts of the organizer, but due to the closeness and popularity of the guest of honor. True enough.

This brings me to a point. Will this organizing-closeness-popularity setup apply to me? Not sounding like a “center of the universe” type of person, I’d just like to explore this possibility: when I die will there be a large turn up rate of persons who will visit my funeral? I have always dreamed about the setup of things and events that will happen when I go down the cosmic gutter. Morbid fantasies, I’d like to call them.

My apologies for those who might get shocked with this article. I’m just currently at the crossroads again.

Okay let’s begin.

These are the things I have imagined should be present or should happen when I kick the bucket:
1. Of course people should be present at the funeral. The question is who will remember to organize the event? I guess I should leave my cel pin number, friendster account, e-mail account and every other password locked account which leads to my contacts, friends and acquaintances so that they will know that I need their presence at the funeral. Or else I’ll go to them directly. Bwahahaha!!! Maybe I’ll leave and update regularly the info at a time capsule or hidden web page.
2. The setup at the funeral should reflect what I enjoy when I’m still alive. Maybe at one point the lights will imitate the various haunts I go to.
3. I would like pictures of John Lennon and George Harrison to be placed near the rest of the pictures you can find. I would like it to look like the way people remembered when George Harrison had his funeral.
4. Please put wind chimes at all parts of the house or funeral home. So that you know where I will be throughout the whole event. (Parang gimik ano, me event pa.)
5. The venue should have many large dark varnished wood areas. Back at home, whenever I sit at the side of the piano, I always see a hazy reflection of myself. This by the way started the whole morbid story. So that when people sit or stand near these varnished areas, I’ll just pop up.
6. I want the Shifting Gears to play all our songs, but do not get a new bassist to play along with them. I want them to play songs minus the bass player, so that people can really see the absence in the songs of the bass sound. Just put the bass guitar on top of the casket.
7. As for food, the coffee should be Nescafe 3-in-1, biscuits should be Cream-O. Favorites at breakfast.
8. I want all the girls I have loved before to be present. Find them, all of them!
9. I want the eulogies to make people laugh. And I want all my blog articles read at the service.
10. During the march to the cemetery, I want the Beatle song “All You Need is Love” to be played.
11. Do not bring umbrellas or canopies to the event. I want everybody to get drenched in the rain and get sick for a whole week. So that you can still remember me long after I am sealed in a 1”x2” septic tank.

Whew, I enjoyed that! I recently updated this list in my head while I was taking a ride home. And the funny part is, before reaching home, my mother called me to sell me my very own memorial plans. For those who want to avail also, call me asap. It’s 50 percent off this week, by next week the whole plan will cost around php80,000.00 payable in 5 years.

And finally, when I tuned in to the tellie, the topic at GMA’s Imbestigador is about dubious funeral practices. Hmmm…

Happy New Year!!!

posted by nap @ 8:47 AM